Being Your Authentic Self

Many of us have heard it said at some point in life, “Be your authentic self. Live your life unapologetically and on your own terms”. But what does it mean to be your authentic self?

Does it mean, doing as you please, without any regard for others or the advice they give?

Does it mean, being stuck in your own ways, even if your ways are negative or unhealthy?

Does it mean, doing what you want, when you want, how you want and to whom ever you want?

When I think of the word “authentic”, I immediately think of the words “true” and “genuine”.

You see, as a young teenager growing up, I found difficulty in understanding this principle of living a “true”, “genuine” authentic life. In fact, on many occasions I tried to change who I truly was, so that I could fit in with the environment that was around me. I started talking, acting and even thinking differently, to who I knew I truly was on the inside. I tried to change myself in order to fit in. In doing such, I made others happy while really and truly I was simultaneously making myself unhappy on the inside.

Living an authentic life is something that every person must learn to do, if they are going to pursue becoming the truest and ultimate version of who they were created to be. Living an authentic life is all about living a life that is in harmony and alignment with who your Creator made you to be. It’s about being true to who you know you are. Today, I am going to share with you 3 important lessons which you must remember as you journey in seeking to live an authentic life. I will also share with you the benefits of being your authentic self wherever you go.

Lesson #1- Be Crystal Clear About Your Identity

There are moments throughout life where we involuntarily and subconsciously inherit certain habits, behaviours and even traits from the people around us. We may even allow our personal experiences and circumstances to shape our identity. Those inherited traits, if never addressed can naturally become ingrained and a part of us. Sometimes, in the process, we tend to link our identity to those things.

During my studies of youth development at university, I have learnt that the way through which a person’s perspective or worldview is shaped, first starts with the environment which that individual is mostly in. Most of the times it is, the home. The home is said to be the first major contributor to the development of a person’s world view.

Take a look at this example. A person who has been raised in an extremely violent or aggressive environment, may end up having anger issues later on in life or may have challenges controlling their emotions when they feel angry. They may reciprocate the same behaviours they saw growing up, to persons around them.

That person may “lash out” when faced with tense situations, or may even become abusive to another person, and when questioned, they may not see anything wrong with how they acted, because that behaviour has become so ingrained into their subconscious mind and their way of life. In this scenario, it became like a “new normal”, because for many years that’s what they saw in their own environment, which made it seem right in their eyes.  That person may say something like, “I don’t see anything wrong with what I did, this is just who I am”.

In another scenario, a person who may display characteristics of being lazy, negative, untidy, impatient, addicted or dishonest may say things like, “this is just a part of me” or “that’s just the way I am”, without making any attempt at changing. People often try to justify their actions by saying “this is just who I am” or “that’s just me”. When we link those inherited traits- [especially the negative ones]- to our identity, we say those things to avoid personal growth or change.

But to live an authentic life, one that is in alignment with the person God made you to be, you must have a clear sense of awareness, you must have an understanding of who you are and you must work on growing yourself.

Our identity is like gravity or like our DNA. Gravity which is located in the centre of the earth, or DNA which is located on the inside of us, cannot be seen with our plain eyes. Despite that, they still influence and impact everything that we see on the outside and in the outer world. They play a vital role in the proper functioning and operations of the things we see. Gravity plays a role in how things are functioning on the planets, and DNA plays a role in the operation of our bodies.

Our identity, though we cannot see it or physically feel it, influences and impacts our life and will make a significant impact on whether we live an authentic life or not. A false understanding of your identity, can cause corruption and problems. We are not our inherited traits or personalities.

For those of you who may be of the Christian faith like myself, just because you have sinned and done immorally or made mistakes at some points, doesn’t mean that your identity is “a slave to sin”. Many of us have mistaken who we truly are with what we have learnt to be and what we have grown accustom to.

I love what Bishop TD Jakes said in one of his sermons. He excellently penned, “there is a slight difference between something being true and something being a fact”. You see, it may be true that at this point in time you may have a negative characteristic (laziness, procrastination, idleness, aggression, etc) but the fact is, that isn’t your identity, because you have the ability to change. Many of us go through life holding on to things we have inherited, learnt and grown accustom to, linking them to our identity. Some people use the statement, “this is just who I am”, as an excuse for their choice not to change. However, even the Word of God says, that you have the ability to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Thus, to become your authentic self, you must shift your mind-set.

One new habit which I have implemented in my daily routine for the year 2023 is, each morning before I start my day, I read my personal declaration which I wrote and stuck on my wall. It highlights and reminds me of my identity and who I am. In it, I remind myself daily that: “I’m a child of the King, royalty flows in my veins; I’m unique and special; I am creative and innovative; there is a purpose for my life; there is greatness within me, etc”. As I speak those life changing words over my life, I am able to change my thought patterns, allowing me to be better equipped to live an authentic life.

Lesson #2- Know Your Worth And What You Bring To The Table

Having discovered your identity, another part of living an authentic life is to accept and to embrace who you are. When you accept who you are and love yourself for who you were created to be, it frees you from trying to be “all things to all men”. It also frees you from trying to do everything for everyone. When you know your worth and what you bring to the table, it provides you with the opportunity to say “no” confidently to certain things (even if they may appear good), knowing that your worth or identity isn’t linked to that thing.

Sometimes in life, we are afraid to build our own table, because we spend so much time looking to be accepted at someone else’s table. In fact, I was quite guilty of that when I was younger. As a young teenager, I wanted everyone to like and accept me, so my hope at the time was to be accepted at someone else’s table, instead of seeking to build and accept my own table. When you know your worth and all you have to bring, you won’t focus solely on building someone else’s table. Neither would your priority be, seeking acceptance from others.

Rather your first priority would be loving, embracing and accepting yourself for who you are and you would seek to build your own table with the resources, gifts and abilities that God has already given you. The reason why this should be your first priority, is because until you learn to love yourself, it wouldn’t matter the amount of times someone embraces you and tells you they love you, because on the inside you would still feel unsatisfied. Thus, to live an authentic life, you must love, cherish and accept yourself for who you are, you must know your worth and what you bring to the table. Yes, there may be certain things you couldn’t control when you came into this world, such as your hair, your skin colour, your facial structure, etc. But, those things do not determine your worth and they shouldn’t hinder you from embracing yourself. When God made you, his attention was on who you are capable of becoming. Believe in your worth.

Lesson #3 - To Live A True Authentic Life, Sometimes You Have To Learn To Say “No”

Now, I must let you know that this isn’t always easy. To tell you the truth, this is still something that I am working on and learning day by day. I don’t always succeed at it. Lol. But, this is crucial to being your authentic self. Learning to say “no” to certain things which come your way in life, may be the differentiating factor between living an authentic life or not.

Recently, during my meditation time, I received this interesting and surprisingly true revelation. It was this: “just because something is made available to you, doesn’t always mean that it is good or right for you”. This is applicable to things which we may classify as both good and bad. Obviously, this is true in situations which may be deemed as negative such as saying no to someone who may be forcing you to engage in a particular activity which you know is not morally right like (stealing, doing drugs, lying, etc). But, learning to say no to things that may appear good initially is important as well.

Sometimes, what may seem good in the initial stages can end up turning to be something bad or in some cases it may not be the best thing for you at that particular point in time. Allow me to give you a basic example and then a more technical everyday life example of how an opportunity which may appear good can potentially be not the best thing for you.

Example 1: An opportunity may arise for you to hang out with a group of friends. However, during this period of time you may have a previous commitment to studying for your upcoming exams. The idea of hanging out with friends may initially appear to be something good, however, it may turn out to be a distraction from you being able to study, potentially resulting in you experiencing worry, stress and anxiety. When this happens, you are not able to function or think as clearly as you should.

Example 2: You may be given the opportunity to get a promotion on your job. This promotion would allow you to be paid more money, however it may require you to commit more time on the job. This could result in you spending less time with your family, it may require you to neglect exercise thus impacting your health or neglect certain responsibilities and other commitments which you may have, thus making it challenging for you to live a balance life.

The promotion may seem initially to be a great thing. However, it may end up negatively affecting the other areas of your life which you have a responsibility to. Sometimes, by saying yes to the “good thing” it may potentially affect you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, thus leaving you feeling emptier or more drained than initially. Thus, learning to say no to certain opportunities, allows you to keep your peace of mind and it even allows you to live more peaceably as the person you were made to be.

When you choose to be bold and decide to live an authentic life, you become more confident, you have greater discernment about situations around you, you are more self-aware and in some instances those around you may become empowered to also live an authentic life.