The Key To A Resilient Life

Have you ever been confronted with a difficult situation in your life and after that specific moment has passed, you looked back and said to yourself that you wish you were stronger or more resilient? Maybe, you said “I wish I didn’t allow that “thing” to affect me as much as it did” or maybe you said, “I wish I didn’t allow that person’s words to get to me as much as it did”. Sometimes in life, it may even appear as if after we have overcome one obstacle, there is another waiting around the corner for us.

Well, in this month’s blog, I am going to share with you the key required to have a resilient life. Did you know that there is a formula for resilience, the same way in maths class there are numerous formulas for calculating various outcomes? I know that some of you opened your eyes wide in shock as you read that just now. Nonetheless, don’t worry, because that was the same expression I had when I first learnt about it.

Now, I need you to know that I am not a big lover of maths neither am I a maths teacher and I am sure this is the same for many of you reading this. The good news is, there is no math involved in this formula which I am going to share with you. Though initially it may look mathematical, trust me, there is no maths attached.

Earlier this year, I was in a virtual training session with leading transformational coach and speaker Lisa Nichols and in her training, she taught this life-changing resilience formula which has stayed with me ever since. The formula is this:

E + R= O

(E- Events in our life, R- Our Response to those events/situations, O- Outcome)

Allow me to break it down for you. The (E) in the above equation stands for the events which occur in our life. These events refer to the various situations we face or the different experiences we go through. Unfortunately, not all the experiences we go through are positive ones.

The (R) refers to our response to those situations. After we have gone through the various events in life, we must take some time to evaluate what has occurred and then we must choose wisely how we will respond to each situation. In some instances, this process may need to be done in a quick manner, while in other cases you may have a longer period of time to do such. Lastly, the (O) refers to the outcome or the final result which is produced.

This equation simply stated another way is: the events we face in life, plus our response to those situations will determine the final outcome.

However, oftentimes many people live as if the events in their life equal the final outcome, (E=O). This type of living is often linked to what is called a fixed mindset.

A fixed mindset is one in which an individual sees the world, their condition and their circumstances as unchangeable, final and fixed. The person with this way of thinking often refuses to try anything to change their situation and they may instead choose to give up easily as they see life as only one way and cannot be changed. They, accept their life just as it is and they believe that there is no room for growth or development. They think that because things were always this way for them, that nothing can possibly change now. In other words, they live as if the events which occurred in their life equalled their final outcome, (E=O).

Some of you may have experienced some difficult and challenging events in your life. These events may have included a heartbreak from a failed relationship, the loss of a loved one, the separation of parents, abuse, the lack of adequate resources or bullying from a fellow classmate. You may have allowed all of these events in your life to determine your destiny.

However, the good news is, the equation isn’t E=O. Rather the equation is E+R=O. The last time I checked, if an equation was incorrect in math class, you wouldn’t get the correct outcome. Every outcome, whether positive or negative, which has been manifested and produced in your life, is due to your response to an event which has occurred and not just the event itself.

This is the reason why blaming others for a problem never brings a solution. The individual who does this is just focusing on the event instead of their response and hence a new or positive outcome isn’t created.

Some of you may have allowed all of the situations and events which you have been through in life, to keep you back from becoming who you have been called to be. Others of you may have even attached your identity to those events. For example, if the event which occurred was a poor grade on a quiz, a failed relationship or a failed business venture, some persons may see it as a reflection of them and their identity, when in reality, that isn’t the truth. The inadequate grade, may have just been an indication to you that there are some more areas you have to learn and grow in. The failed relationship may just be an indicator that the person you were with, may not have been the person chosen by God for you. The failed business venture, may have just been an indicator that you may need to make a slight pivot in your operations or systems of the business as opposed to it being an identity problem.

You see, you must never give so much power over to your circumstances, because when you do, you start acting in a way that is not true to who you really are.

My question to you is, what is that event in your life which you have given so much power to?

Here is the lesson I need you to always remember, your power is in your response. How you choose to respond to the situations which have occurred in your life is the factor that will determine whether you will rise above or whether you will sink beneath the stormy seas of life. Choosing to respond to the situation in a positive way, allows you to take ownership for your life. Choosing to learn, grow and gain new insight from these events you’ve been through, allows you to produce a new outcome. I need you to take your power back. It is important for you to know that your future cannot be reached if you keep holding on to the past.

I have come to realise that resilient people have mastered the art of responding positively and adapting to the events in their life. They have also learnt to let go of the past and instead they choose to move forward with a renewed mindset and perspective.

This month I want to encourage you, not to allow the events in your life to determine your final outcome. Rather, I want you to take your power back by choosing wisely how you respond to those situations because, E+R=O.